[20:48] Him: As your birthday comes, I’ve been thinking a lot about how our generation is DONE with the concept of age yaz
Like we are DONE.
[20:49] Him: Like as far as we’re concerned it’s a blessing and a reminder, but that’s about it. All the milestones are dead to us.
[20:50] Her: Bruh? Bruuuuuuuuuuuuh!!!
[20:50] Her: “Konje I landed here on this day” KUPHELA LAPHO
[20:51] Him: That’s it.
[20:51] Him: For better & for worse
[20:51] Her: Tell me the ‘worse’?
[20:52] Him: I think for me the ‘worse’ part comes in when people are unable to assess their emotional maturity man
[20:53] Him: Like, forget the milestones, but can you grow as a person? Ngaphakathi
[20:54] Her: Hmm, do you think the emotional bit has been stagnant as a consequence?
[20:54] Him: That’s where I’m driving to
[20:54] Her: I see the opposite yaz
[20:54] Him: Tell me
[20:56] Her: From where I’m living, our generation has a broader spectrum of feelings and can actually tap into them.
But also,I do live in a social bubble so you might have more of a view with this one
[20:57] Him: No I think that’s valid. Also, we all live in a bubble of some sort.
But tell me more about your first point
[21:00] Her: I find that the emotional maturity comes directly from that lack of concept of age. Like man, remember what I said about black men? Ukuthi they genuinely wanna do good or better? I think our generation just wants to be okay man. They genuinely seek contentment.
[21:04] Her: There’s this empathy in the air man, and it is a cause for, or consequence of, emotional maturity.
[21:10] Him: I’m trying to take it what you’re saying without going into shallow-deep stereotypes of our culture – because we’re more than that.
[21:11] Him: *take in
[21:11] Her: Talk to me about the culture?
[21:12] Him: Agh no, just the general zeitgeist of being black & intersectional in 2018.
A year ago I would’ve said young & black but now I’m not even sure what that means anymore
[21:12] Him: Okay can we loosely define ‘emotional maturity’?
[21:13] Him: Not as a term, but what does that look like and how do we wear it?
[21:14] Her: Yerrr,you going into the deep end 🙆🏽♀
[21:15] Her: I genuinely wanna understand what you are referring to when you mention stereotypes of our culture, but I’m not grasping what you’re saying kahle?
[21:17] Him: Well the stereotypes are that we’re immature, that we play games with each other, that we reject responsibility and move toward passivity at any breaking chance; and I won’t lie, I’ve seen this far more often than I’d like in a relationship context
[21:17] Him: So that’s pretty much the case that stands as to why our extended adolescence is a bad thing
Okay can we loosely define ‘emotional maturity’?
[21:20] Her: Loosely? Empathy for yourself and others. The ability and willingness to engage with your shit and the shit of others. Because in that whole space you are aware of a world that is bigger than you. As soon as you can enter that space of bigness,emotional maturity is all that’s left.
Well the stereotypes are that we’re immature, that we play games with each other, that we reject responsibility and move toward passivity at any breaking chance; and I won’t lie, I’ve seen this far more often than I’d like in a relationship context
[21:20] Her: The “for worse”
[21:21] Her: So engaging with this gets tricky for my unstructured ass 😓
Empathy for yourself and others. The ability and willingness to engage with your shit and the shit of others. Because in that whole space you are aware of a world that is bigger than you. As soon as you can enter that space of bigness,emotional maturity is all that’s left.
[21:24] Him: This definition is exactly it.
[21:24] Him: For me as well, that definition resonates.
[21:24] Her: So my thing is…
[21:25] Her: As we talk, it’s beginning to sound like emotional maturity means conformity? (I say that in the most non-millennial tone)
[21:26] Him: I’m trying to find you..
[21:26] Him: Okay but I mean,
[21:27] Him: Actually nah
[21:27] Him: Explain this ‘conformity’. I don’t understand how accepting responsibility and rejecting passivity is reads as conformity
[21:31] Her: Because I saw the word “responsibility” tbh lol
[21:31] Her: But no, you’re right
[21:31] Her: It doesn’t mean conformity only, yes. I hear that a lot
[21:32] Him: ‘Responsibility’ is what you referred to as “the ability and willingness to engage with your shit and the shit of others”
‘Passivity’ would then be denying that you have shit and acting like we don’t live interconnected lives
[21:33] Her: Ayt ayt ayt!
[21:34] Her: Those definitions? Ya ok, I can grasp that
[21:34] Her: My thing about responsibility:
Responsibility can sometimes be things that make it hard to breathe. They can be cold. I took it from there and not from the “accountability” perspective.
[21:45] Her: Also fam,this sounds more like empathy than responsibility.
Angazi,my mind is not embracing the word “responsibility” because of what that socializes us into
[21:46] Her: Kodwa semantics I guess
[21:50] Him: Yeah at this point it is semantics. I think generally we’re on the same page though.
[21:56] Him: A friend of mine recently met someone right, 30-something, as he’s talking about her and the things she does and her interests, lifestyle, etc. I couldn’t help but ask him how she was any different from the 22-year olds he meets on the regular. Just from a shallow, lifestyle analysis vibe right? Anyway, the fact that she’s living her best ‘student life’ while working and having kids isn’t the thing that’s out of wack for me. The thing that was difficult for me to deal with, was when he brought up their relationship and some of the clashes
Everything has a context I guess, but what he brought up was like gaming (power plays), ghosting and just a general lack of clarity in their whole vibe – that bothered me
[21:57] Him: That for me was that ‘worse’ side of our extended adolescence rearing it’s head. Because why is a lack of clarity still a thing for humans in relationships past the age of 25?
[22:03] Him: Or ngisnax?
[22:09] Her: Sorry, went to shower
[22:10] Her: Yoh 🙆🏽♀🙆🏽♀🙆🏽♀
[22:10] Her: Fam? Bruuuuuuuh???
[22:10] Her: I feel you man 😭
[22:16] Her: Two weeks ago I literally said to someone “you are too old,both physically and spiritually,to be dealing with this.”
Two weeks ago.
[22:18] Her: Mara what you have outlined is not related to lack of concept of age
[22:18] Her: Its just a disease nje
[22:19] Him: Uyay’mosha.
[22:20] Him: Akere we were drawing a line or connecting the dots between age (as a non-marker of maturity), emotional awareness & empathy (as a new marker of maturity), so now… disease???
[22:21] Her: Lol, sigh
[22:21] Her: Ok, sorry
[22:22] Her: Ya ok ok
[22:22] Her: Non-marker. New marker. Yeah
Submitted Anonymously. A Whatsapp conversation dated: 29/10/2018.